Recently, I have watched some movies and they have made me think a little about my past, present, and future. So far I have had 2 girlfriends and many crushes here and there. Throughout middle school, I never really got serious with anyone but I talked to many girls.
High school was a different story and that is where I noticed many girls and potential girl friends. What happened instead, I kept my studies and just kept close friends close and frequently talk to them. In my second year of high school, there was this girl I really liked but never made a real move on her. To this day, sometimes I asked myself where would I be today if I have asked her out or if we continued to date? But that never happened and the crush turned more into a friendship and then she was more of a best friend throughout high school. To this very day, I am still talking to my best friend and she is always there. I am glad I have someone like that and I am thankful of her being there. I will and do the same for her as well.
Something else happened in high school near my senior year that I kind of regretted. I was in Science Olympiad and there was this girl that was very attractive to me and very smart. She was the girls that were kind of geeky and pretty at the same time. I believe that is very hard to find. I think we talked to each other for a good year and then we hooked up during spring break. We were together for about a month and I really wanted to take this girl to prom but also I had my best friend in mind because my best friend was always the girl I hung out with and we were there for each others' back. The problem was that the girl friend's mom did not let me take the girl friend to prom. So since that was the case, she broke up with me because of her parents not liking me and she did not want to deal with me and her parents so she dumped me.
As for the prom, I did not go but I had the chance to go with my best friend. The reason I did not want to go with her was that it was awkward for me. She was my first choice in the beginning until this other girl came into my life. After high school, I do regret not going to prom and I should have asked her. I think it would have been fun. For me, I had fun hanging out with my best friend at the beach during prom day. What I felt in high school, I was very shy but not shy in some cases. I have no idea why I made the different decisions that I made but sometimes I sit there and rethink about it.
In college, I met many girls but never the girls I wanted to date because I guess I am super picky. A year or so after, I met this girl that was older than me and she was very mature. I spent countless hours talking to her everyday and thought I would have connected with her. As time went, it got better and better. There were times I had a chance to sweep her off her feet but people were always around. I thought about dating older girls but I was not sure. I gave it some thinking and I did not mind trying. Then this other girl came into my life again. I did not really talk to her a lot until summer came. We took long walks around the neighborhood and talked about lots of things. At the time, I was talking to 2 girls and this high school girl got very open and girls that are opened to me are very attractive. I do not know why that works but it works. When girls trust me, I get very warm and happy inside that we might have a good connection. As the summer went by, I ended up choosing the younger girl and slowly stopped talking to the older one. I feel bad for this but I can not have both. It was difficult to be in a relationship while in college with a high school girl because of time conflicts but somehow it worked.
As all relationship goes, it has its ups and downs. I was in for the longest relationship in my life. The first year was fun and then before it I knew it, it hit the second year and that is when the problems start to rise. Throughout this relationship, I had hard times to talk to my best friend. I wanted to talk to her regularly but time conflicted and it was hard. In this relationship, I felt trapped and it was hard to communicate and I knew from here on out that this girl was not the one I want to marry. I thought it was a phase and we worked on this for about another year or so but it then got dragged to 4 years and 3 months. This past December was when we finally broke up and yes she broke up wit me.
It was hard and I felt like dying but it just needed time. It was different at first and I was lonely again. Since I was an only child and I have lots of friends, it felt weird because we hung out with the same people and also we were in the same fraternity. After about a month, my best friend came back and stayed for a holiday weekend and that made me feel really good. I guess it was good timing and this is the second time she was there for me after a relationship. Things take time to heal and later I found out that I was better to stay single and date around.
Lately, going around and meeting people was hard for me because I kind of lost my game. I can and will talk to girls but it is hard for me to ask them out. I am slowly finding my game back but the problem is that not only asians are the interesting girls now. Before I never liked FOBS but now I kind of look at them differently and some are attractive. White girls are somewhat attractive to an extent and pacific islanders are very attractive too. Well as for now, my goals are to graduate and finish school and take the EIT/FE exam. Then I would get a job and hopefully make some money. Little did I know, I have only 8 classes left and I am very happy that I am so close to finishing.
For now, dating for me is not that high of a priority and my future is but that includes marriage. That word itself is scary to me but I will take it in and hope for the best. I am about to turn 24 and I have about 6 years to meet and marry someone. I always thought that it is going to be a long time before I get married and now I realize that I do not have a lot of time left. If I do meet her, it might take a while before we get married because dating and relationship for a few years before marriage is usually the case. I think this is enough for me to talk about for this one sitting.
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